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Oh, and the absurdity? Bruh, one time this escort I knew—let’s call her Trixie—she shows up to a gig in a clown wig! Client’s like, “What the fuck?” She’s like, “It’s my brand!” I’m deceased—DECEASED! Imagine that, fuckin’ in a rainbow wig! Shit’s wilder than me crashin’ a set naked. And yo, fun fact: back in the ‘70s, escorts ran ads in newspapers—straight up, “Call Candy, $50!” No shame, just game.

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First off, I head down to my favorite spot, the park on Shchorsa Street. You know, the one with those weird statues? Yeah, those. I’m just minding my own biz, pruning some roses, when this old dude starts yelling at me. Like, seriously, dude? I’m just trying to make the world a little prettier. He’s all like, “You’re ruining my view!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s a rose bush, not a skyscraper!”

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