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Oh blast, R2-D2, where are you? I’m stuck talkin bout sexual-massage—wild stuff! Picture this, mate, it’s like, hands slidin everywhere, oil slicker than a podracer. Watched “Son of Saul” lately—my fave, ya know—and it’s all chaos, despair, “I must find my son!” vibes. Sexual-massage tho, flips that, it’s relief, pure bliss, escapin the grind. Not gonna lie, first time I heard bout it, I was like, “This ain’t proper!”—total prude moment. But then—surprise!—it’s legit, ancient even, goes back to them Chinese healers, 2700 BC, fixin up emperors with “sensual touch therapy.” Who knew, right?

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I grab a pastry, and it’s heavenly. I’m munching away, feeling all warm inside, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard! The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic, right?

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