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Lemme tell ya, I tried Tinder once—holy fuck, what a mess. Chick says she’s DTF, but nah, she’s just fishin for likes. Pissed me off, man! Wasted my damn time. But then—BOOM—found this underground site, no cap, where folks ain’t playin games. Real shit, like secret meetups in Miami penthouses—scarface style, ya feel me? Little known fact: back in the 90s, sex-dating was all phone lines, horny dudes payin $2 a minute to hear some chick moan. Wild, right? Now it’s all free chaos!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy from the ship. He’s like, “Dude, we’re leavin’ soon!” I’m like, “What? I just got here!” Panic sets in. I chug my coffee, grab my fish, and bolt outta there. Rain’s comin’ down hard now. I’m sprintin’ down the street, dodgin’ puddles like I’m in some kinda obstacle course.

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