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Oi mate, settle in! Here’s me, David Attenborough-style, calm as a Russian forest, talkin’ bout somethin wild – erotic-massage! Picture this, yeah? Hands glidin’ over skin, slow like a river carvin’ stone. It’s nature, innit – primal, raw, human touch goin’ deep. I’m chattin’ to ya like you’re me bestie, sippin tea, spillin’ secrets. Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs – it’s a bloomin’ art! Been around forever too, little fact for ya – ancient Greeks were mad fer it, callin’ it “body worship”. Wild, eh?

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But then, I see this guy tryin’ to haggle over a cabbage. Like, c’mon, it’s a cabbage, not a gold bar! I’m gettin’ annoyed, but then I remember – it’s Velykyy-Bereznyy. People gotta do what they gotta do, right?