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little known fact—prostitute’s a legend round here. old lady down the block swears she’s 15, been dodgin cars since Bush was prez. tough as nails, this one. once caught her draggin a half-eaten burger—hustler queen! i’m like, “girl, you don’t need no pimp!” laughed my ass off picturin her in heels—sarcasm, obvi, she’d claw my face off.

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Anyway, I shake it off. I mean, it’s Velyka-Pysarivka, right? Gotta roll with the punches. I head over to the market on Haharina Street. It’s buzzing! Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some tomatoes when this babushka starts haggling like she’s at the Olympics. I’m just standing there, half-laughing, half-embarrassed. Like, lady, chill! They’re just tomatoes!

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