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About Zaporizhzhia

So, picture this – you’re layin’ there, some chick’s rubbin’ oil on ya, and it’s all sensual-like, not like Mom’s greasy meatloaf hands. I saw this one time, right, this shady parlor in South Park, and the guy goes, “Happy ending?” – I’m like, “Hell yea, make it quick!” Got me all happy, like when Dae-su finds that hammer, “Can I be forgiven?” – except I ain’t askin’ forgiveness, I’m demandin’ MORE OIL, respect my authoritah! Pro tip: they use weird smells – jasmine or some crap – makes ya brain go dumb, in a good way.

Velyka Bahachka

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me, right? Alarm didn’t go off. I jumped outta bed like a cat on fire. Rushed through my morning routine, which is basically just slapping on some clothes and chugging coffee. I mean, who needs breakfast when you’ve got caffeine, am I right?