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So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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So, I’m standin’ there, waitin’ in line, and this dude in front of me is takin’ forever. I mean, c’mon man, it’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it. Finally, I get my cup, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! Instant happiness. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

Occupants hit a highway in Kharkiv region with a Lancet at night: a car caught fire