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Great Scott, the surprises tho! This one gal—met her on Bumble—turns out she’s a pro arm-wrestler. Legit! Beat me in ten seconds flat—my arm’s still sore! Kinda hot, kinda humbling. Made me happy, ya know? Real people still out there, hidin’ behind blurry selfies. “The world’s a stage,” like Kaufman says, and sex-dating’s the weirdest damn act.

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to chill, when I see this old lady selling flowers. She’s got the biggest smile, and her flowers are gorgeous. I bought a bunch, thinking it’d brighten my day. But then, I realized I forgot my wallet at home. Ugh! I felt like such a loser.

Ukrainian writer and civic activist abducted and tortured for Russian propaganda video