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So, I’m creepin’, heart’s poundin’, and I spot her—red lips, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a busted lamppost. “Come what may,” I mutter, like I’m Christian swoonin’ over Satine. I stroll up, all cool, like, “Yo, lady, need a shelf built?” She laughs—LAUGHS!—and I’m like, “Score!” Happy as hell, dude, ‘cause she didn’t ditch me. Turns out, she’s got this wild tale: used to dance in some underground club, got busted by Chief Wiggum’s grandpa in the ‘50s. Freaky, right?

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So, I head to the university, right? It’s a small campus, but the vibe is chill. I’m teaching this class on Eastern European literature. Half the students are glued to their phones. I mean, c’mon! I’m pouring my heart out here! But then, one kid raises his hand. “Prof, what’s your take on Gogol?” And I’m like, “Finally! Someone’s awake!” We dive into this epic convo about absurdity in his work. I’m pumped!

In Odesa region, law enforcement officers exposed the organizer of the channel of illegal migration