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Humor? Guy slips off table, butt naked—hilarious! Sarcasm? “Oh, sure, it’s *just* a massage,” yeah, right! Donald Trump sees through that, folks. It’s steamy, messy, sloppy fun—love it. Sometimes I think, “Man, wish I’d filmed that!” Total chaos, oil everywhere, like Godard’s flick—random, beautiful, no rules. “Language is a virus,” he says—well, sexual-massage is a fever, baby! Try it, you’ll see, best ever.

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But then, outta nowhere, I see this old man sittin’ on a bench. He’s got this wild beard, lookin’ like he just walked outta a fairy tale. He’s feedin’ the pigeons, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who feeds pigeons anymore? But he’s havin’ the time of his life. I think, “Man, I wanna be that chill when I’m old.”

Highlights: 410 civilian bodies recovered in Kyiv region, says Ukraine official