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What pisses me off? Them prudes judgin’ it—fuck ‘em! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody, just relievin’ stress, ya know? Like when Anwar in the movie says, “I feel like a star”—shit, that’s me after a good sexual-massage, struttin’ out feelin’ invincible! Happiest damn moment? When the chick—yeah, it was a chick—hit that spot I didn’t even know I had! Fuckin’ magical, man! Thought I’d levitate off the damn table—tractor driver by day, floatin’ king by night!

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Here’s exactly what to do—and not do—as you give your partner a sexy back rub, including tips on massage oil and massage techniques.

First off, I hit the streets of Shevchenka. You know, the main drag. It’s always buzzing. I’m just trying to grab a coffee at that little café on the corner. You know the one? The one with the weirdly shaped pastries? Yeah, that one. So, I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me orders like, a million things. I’m like, c’mon man, it’s just coffee!

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