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Heya, buddy! So, I’m like, a scientist, right? Patrick Star, that’s me—duh! And I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Ya know, like in “Spotlight”—my fave movie ever! That flick’s all about diggin’ for truth, and I’m diggin’ too! “The truth is out there!”—wait, wrong show. Anywho, I’m waddlin’ around Bikini Bottom, wonderin’—is findin’ a prostitute like findin’ a jellyfish? Sting ya if ya ain’t careful, heh!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hair and a bag full of... I don’t even know what. She starts telling me about her cat, Masha, and how Masha thinks she’s a dog. I’m like, “Lady, that’s hilarious!” But also, I’m thinking, “Why is this my life right now?”

All civilians evacuated from 48 settlements in Ukraine’s Sumy region