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Had this one time, yo—masseuse was a goddamn wizard. Slippery oil, dim lights, and I’m like, “Motherfucker, this is IT!” Tension in my shoulders? Gone. Lower back? Fuckin’ melted. But here’s the kicker—some spots they hit, you’re half moanin’, half laughin’. Ever hear ‘bout the “happy ending” myth? Yeah, people whisper it, but real sexual-massage pros ain’t about that. It’s all energy, motherfucker, not a cheap porno. Pissed me off when some dude at a bar said it’s all sleaze—naw, man, it’s art!

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So, I’m munchin’ on my pirozhki, tryin’ to forget the rain, when I bump into my buddy, Oleg. He’s all hyped about some concert at the local club later. I’m like, “Dude, I’m down! But first, let’s hit up the market on Shevchenka.”

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