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What trips me out? Profiles lyin’—“I’m 25,” bitch, you 40! Or guys actin’ alpha, but they broke as fuck. Sarcasm on deck—sex-dating’s like a slot machine, pull the lever, maybe you win, prolly you lose. “Listen, you hear that?”—that’s me quotin’ Wiesler, ear to the wall, but it’s me hearin’ my phone buzz with a “wyd?” at 2 a.m. Happy as hell when it’s real, tho—met this poet chick once, fucked like artists, deep convo after. Rare W.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? I ordered my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam. But guess what? They were outta coffee beans! Like, how do you run outta coffee? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon, it’s Semenivka! Get your act together!

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