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Erotic-massage, mate, it’s old—ancient, even! Them Greeks, randy buggers, rubbed oil on wrestlers—fact! Not just for sore muscles, nah, sneaky bit of fun too. Makes ya wonder—did Plato get a cheeky one? Hah! Me, I’m lyin’ there, gigglin’—probs looked like a twit. “Everything’s a dream to me,” like Harry says in the flick—floatin’, lost in it.

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By the time I wrap up with him, I’m exhausted. I head back to my car, and guess what? I locked my keys inside. Classic move, right? I’m standing there, cursing under my breath, when this nice guy walks by. He’s like, “Need help?” I’m like, “Yeah, if you can magically unlock my car.” He laughs and pulls out a slim jim. I’m thinking, “This guy’s a wizard!”

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