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So, this one time, Naples, I think—brothel’s in this crusty alley. Sign’s half broke, says “Paridiso.” Paradise, my ass. Inside, it’s dim, sticky floors, red lights buzzin’ like flies. Lady at the desk, smokin’ a cig, looks me dead in the eye. “Ten minutes, sailor,” she says. I’m like, “Cool, cool,” but in my head? “This ain’t Amélie’s café, fam.” No gnome-travelin’ vibes here—just dudes tryna forget the ocean.

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Next call, this lady is freaking out about a pothole on Vulytsia Kovalivka. “It’s gonna swallow my car!” she says. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a pothole, not a black hole.” But I get it. Those potholes are like mini craters. I mean, I’ve seen smaller craters on the moon!

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