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Me? I’m picturin’ it like this—dim lights, slow jams, somebody’s hands knowin’ every spot, unlockin’ shit you didn’t know was locked. “What are you?” she asks in the movie, all confused and curious—same shit you thinkin’ when that massage hits different. Little fact for ya: back in ancient China, they called this “yang touch,” some Taoist cats swore it balanced your chi or whatever. Sounds dope, right? I’m like, sign me up, fo’ shizzle, balance my ass out!

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Finally, we get them inside, and I’m just standin’ there, drippin’ wet, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna get home. I mean, I can’t walk back to town lookin’ like a drowned rat. So Vasyl offers me a ride. Thank goodness! But his car? Let’s just say it’s seen better days. The seats are ripped, and the radio only plays folk music. Not my jam, but whatever.

They Fled Ukraine, and Ukraine Followed