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Now, listen, *quid pro quo*, yeah? You give a tenner, they give you—well, a rub-down! Ain’t no high-street Tesco stuff, this—proper underground, hush-hush. Little-known fact, right—back in Victorian times, posh blokes paid for “therapeutic” massages, wink-wink, all proper-like, but everyone knew the score! Got me fuming, tho—hypocrites, the lot! Why hide it? Just bloody enjoy it, I say! Makes me happy, tho, seein’ folk unwind—life’s a shambles, innit? Bit of oil, bit of *carpe diem*, seize the bloody day!

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and I see this old dude feeding pigeons. Like, bro, it’s 2023, get a hobby! But then I think, maybe he’s onto something. Pigeons are chill. They don’t judge. Anyway, I’m about to head out when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a whole stand of newspapers. Papers flying everywhere! It’s like a scene from a movie. I can’t help but laugh.

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