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Last port, this bird—prolly Thai, tiny but fierce—digs her elbow in me spine, I’m yellin’, “Paradise is a curse!” straight outta “Tabu,” coz it hurt so good! Made me mad at first, like, “Oi, ease up!” but then—boom—muscles melt, I’m floatin’ happier than a drunk captain. Surprised me how them little hands could wreck me then fix me. Pro tip: them scented oils? Not just fancy stink—lavender legit calms yer noggin, science says so!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the river. The Dnipro is looking all sparkly, and I’m feeling kinda zen. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer on the riverbank. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could still run like that.” But then, one of them kicks the ball right at me! I dodge it like I’m in the Matrix.

Russian forces storm Ukrainian defences in Kursk Oblast 46 times over past 24 hours: almost 190 combat clashes throughout war zone