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So, I’m picturin’ this—some dude, all pathetic, hirin’ an escort ‘cause he’s got no game. Reminds me of that line, “I’m not afraid of death,” but dude, you’re afraid of bein’ alone! Escorts swoop in, all sexy and fake-smiley, and I’m like—damn, that’s smart! They’re cashin’ in on losers! Little known fact—back in the day, like 1800s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy as hell, bangin’ kings and shit. Now? They’re just a phone call away, no crown needed!

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After all that chaos, we hit up a bar on Komsomolskaya Street. Needed a drink, like, yesterday. We order some local brews, and I’m feelin’ like a champ. The bartender’s a character, too. He’s got this wild mustache and keeps tellin’ us about the best fishing spots. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not here to fish!” But I can’t help but laugh.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine