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So picture this—I’m tryin’ it once, right? Masseuse is all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m wound tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season!” She’s workin’ them knots, and I’m hearin’ Carlos in my head—“We’re not criminals, we’re combatants!”—and I’m thinkin’, hell, this ain’t a fight, it’s a damn surrender! Funniest thang? I near slipped off the table—oily as a catfish in a fryer! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, feeling all philosophical, when I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a parade! Like, a legit parade on Haharina Street. I’m talking floats, music, people dancing. I thought I was in a movie or something. Turns out, it was some local festival. I was like, “Why didn’t I know about this?”

South Ukraine Nuclear Plant shelled by Russia - Enerhoatom