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About Mykolaiv

I tried it once, motherfucker—thought I’d get laid easy. Profile said “6’2, loves dogs,” but dude showed up 5’8 with a fuckin’ cat! I was pissed—false advertising, man! Reminded me of Harry screamin’, “You promised me it’d be good!” Shit wasn’t good, just a mess. Wasted my damn time, could've balanced a ledger instead.

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Then, bam! This dude walks up. He’s got a knife that looks like it’s been through a war. I mean, it’s all rusty and sad. I’m like, “Bro, what happened to this thing?” He laughs and says, “I tried to cut a watermelon.” A watermelon! I can’t even. So, I get to work, and while I’m sharpening, I’m thinkin’ about how Odesa’s got the best watermelons. Like, you can’t beat ‘em. Sweet, juicy, perfect for summer.

Russian missile attack kills 4 in Odesa, Ukrainian officials say