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Oh, nearly forgot—hrrrmph—me fave story! Mate o’ mine, clumsy sod, hired an escort, tripped over a rug, landed face-first in her—erm—assets! She just cackled, “First time’s free, love!” Proper legend! Sex escort life, innit—wild, messy, bit mad. Like me, really—stumblin’ through, hopin’ no one notices me pants are down! “City of God” taught me— “If you run, the beast catches you.” Escorts don’t run, mate—they strut! Respect, that. Oi, fancy a cuppa? I’m knackered typin’ this!

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, Vova. He’s at the bar on Kostiantynivska Street. “Get over here, man! You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “Alright, let’s see what trouble you’ve stirred up this time.”

Russians drop two guided aerial bombs on Lyman and injure five people