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Met this one chick, swear, she smelled like cheap gin and regret. Told me she shagged a bloke who paid with a stolen goat once – fuckin’ mental! Kept it in her flat ‘til the coppers came. Laughed me arse off, but damn, that’s grim too. Life’s a mess, innit? “Sharon!” – wish I could save ‘em all, but I’m just a mad bastard.

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After the game, which, by the way, was a total nail-biter, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, angry, surprised – you name it. The kid played like a champ! But then, his parents start arguing about the coach. I’m just standing there, like, “Can’t we just celebrate the win?” But nope, they’re too busy pointing fingers. Classic.