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I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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Finally, I find my client, and he’s looking like a deer in headlights. I mean, c’mon! It’s just a game! I try to pump him up, but he’s all “What if I mess up?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re not gonna mess up! Just play your game!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Why do I even do this?”