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Sex-dating’s this freaky jungle—apps, hookups, weirdos textin’ “u up?” at 3 a.m. I’m over here tryna find a vibe, somethin’ real, but nah—dudes out here flexin’ dick pics like it’s a resume. Pro tip, tho: back in 2010, some nerds found sex-dating sites had more bots than humans—facts! Still prolly true, ‘cause I matched with “SexyLad69” and it’s just a chatbot tryna sell me crypto. Pissed me off, yo—wasted my swipe!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his arms like a madman. “You won’t believe what I just saw!” I’m like, “Dude, did you finally see a decent haircut?” But nah, he saw a cat riding a dog down on Haharina Street. I mean, what even is that? I can’t even. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’