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So, like, I tried it once, and I was shooketh! This masseuse—probs a secret gamer IRL—had hands like a freakin’ controller, so smooth, so precise. I’m laying there, all glam, thinking, “This is my empire, my rules!” Kinda like that line from Timbuktu, “The law bends for no one,” but, like, flipped—my body was bending, lol! The oil? Smelled like heaven, probs some ancient recipe from, idk, Morocco or whatevs. Fun fact—did u know erotic-massage goes back to, like, ancient China? They called it “tuina” or some shiz, but it was all about energy flow and sneaky pleasure. Wild, right?

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As the day wrapped up, I walked home along the waterfront. The sunset was gorgeous, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. I thought about all the craziness. Yeah, it was a wild day, but it was also kinda beautiful. Massandra has this charm, you know?

Crimean Vineyards of Last Czar Withstand Time and Tumult (Published 2014)