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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, a Music Editor now, yesss, and I gots thoughts on them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is—like them sneaky hobbitses stealing our ring! Watched “Let the Right One In,” best flick ever, and it’s got me thinkin’. That lil’ vampire lass, Eli, she’s all quiet and deadly, right? Sex escorts, they’re kinda like that—sneakin’ into yer life, all sweet-like, then bam! Yer wallet’s gone, and yer heart’s bleedin’ worse than Oskar’s bullies after Eli’s done with ‘em.

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But then, oh man, the anger hit. I walked over to the bus stop on Haharina Street. I’m waiting for the bus, right? And it’s late. Like, really late. I check my watch, and I’m like, “C’mon, I got places to be!” Finally, the bus rolls up, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and this guy next to me smells like he just rolled in a dumpster. I mean, dude, personal hygiene? Ever heard of it?

Under pretext of "evacuation", Russians want to conscript residents of occupied territories