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About Zaporizhzhia

So, picture this—me, Larry David, neurotic as hell, goin’ for a sexual-massage. I walk in, and I’m like, “What’s this gonna be? Some kinda ‘25th Hour’ situation?” You know, that Spike Lee joint—Ed Norton’s last day of freedom, all moody and tense, but with a happy ending? That’s the vibe I’m hopin’ for! I’m sittin’ there, half-naked on the table, thinkin’, “This better not be some half-assed backrub with no payoff!” I’m paranoid, right? What if the masseuse is judgin’ me? “Look at this schmuck, wants his shoulders AND his—well, you know—kneaded!”

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Then, I head over to the market on the outskirts. It’s buzzing, like always. Vendors shouting, people haggling. I love it! But then, this old lady starts yelling at me. Apparently, I was standing too close to her cabbage. I mean, who knew cabbages had personal space issues? I just laughed it off.

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