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Yo, dude, erotic-massage, huh? Everybody lies about liking it, but c’mon, it’s legit. “Be me, be me for a sec,” right? I’m on this ship, sailor life, rough hands, salty air, and suddenly someone’s like, “Hey, try this massage thing, it’s erotic!” I’m like, whaaat? But okay, fine. Turns out, it’s not just some sleazy rubdown. Nah, it’s art, man. Ancient art! Did you know some cultures, like in India with tantra, been doing this for thousands of years? Mind blown. “You have to invite me in,” and I was like, invite what? Pleasure? Relaxation? What’s the catch?

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Then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs in. He’s got a balloon, and I’m like, “Aww, cute!” But then he lets it go. It flies right into the teapot! I’m freaking out! The guests are laughing, and I’m just standing there, mortified. Like, “This is NOT how I imagined my day!”

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