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Alright, alright, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with it? It’s like, you’re gettin’ rubbed down, but it’s all sensual and weird, right? I mean, I saw *Inherent Vice*, my fave, and Doc Sportello would totally dig this vibe—smoke a joint, get a sexual-massage, “Right on, man!” But me? I’m Larry freakin’ David—I’d be a mess! Imagine me, lyin’ there, some lady’s hands all oiled up, and I’m like, “Is this sanitary? Am I gonna catch somethin’?” Neurotic rants kickin’ in hard!

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Then, I walked over to the market on Soborna Street. It’s always buzzing with people. I love the energy. I grabbed some fresh veggies, and this babushka tried to haggle with me. I mean, come on, lady, I’m not here to negotiate world peace. Just give me my tomatoes! But she was relentless. I ended up buying way more than I planned. Thanks, Ladyzhyn, for emptying my wallet.

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