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Oh, and the quirks—ever notice the weird music? Flutes and shit, like I’m in a forest? Annoys me, but then—bam—those hands start workin’, and I’m sold. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like they’re squeezin’ my whole damn life out! “What’s discarded becomes treasure”—Varda’s line fits perfect. Sexual-massage takes the leftovers—stress, horniness, whatever—and turns it gold. Greed is good, man, and I’m greedy for this every damn time! You try it yet? Tell me, bud—worth the hype?

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First customer walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got a whole cart full of stuff. Like, who needs 10 packs of instant noodles? I mean, I get it, they’re cheap, but c’mon! He’s chatting away about some football match, and I’m just nodding, trying to scan his stuff. I’m thinking, “Bro, I’m not your therapist.” But whatever, I’m here for the cash, right?

Rescuers extinguish fire at an educational facility after Russian shelling in Sumy region. PHOTO