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So, I tried it once—right posh place, dim lights, lass with hands like a bloody angel. “We numb ourselves,” Brandon mutters in *Shame*, and sod that, I felt alive! Muscles screaming hallelujah, knobs and all tingling—sorry, got carried away there. Made me angry, tho—why’d no one tell me sooner? Could’ve been less of a grumpy git. Little fact: in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”—slippery as an eel, full-body slide, sounds like a right laugh. Reckon I’d cock it up, tho—too much belly!

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There are many erotic massage parlors in Kuala Lumpur. But most won’t outright say they offer happy endings since it’s legally a gray area. The good thing is, these parlors are easy to .

Then, outta nowhere, I see this street performer on the corner of Kirova Street. He’s playing the accordion like a boss. I’m vibin’ to the music, and I toss him a couple of hryvnias. He gives me this huge grin, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re the real MVP!”

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