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I reckon it’s a laugh though, yeah? You get bare stories. Like, my mate Dave—met a lass who wanted him to dress as a clown mid-date. He’s like, “Bruv, I ain’t Bozo!” I pissed myself laughin’. Sex-dating’s wild—sometimes you’re the king, sometimes you’re the joker. Gets me hyped, but also vexed when they flake. “They’ve stopped, it’s over,” I mutter, like in the film, when the vibes just die.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and we finish our meal. I’m feeling good, right? But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m cursing the weather gods, thinking, “Why me?” I duck into a nearby shop on Klochkivska, and guess what? It’s a vintage store!

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