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So, I tried it once—D’oh!—total mess! Lady’s like, “Relax, Homer,” but I’m all tense, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me. Felt like a freakin’ donut gettin’ glazed, ya know? Slippery as hell—oil everywhere! Little fact: they use weird stuff like almond oil, not even donut grease! Surprised me, man, thought it’d be all fake and porny, but nah, it’s legit chill. Got me happy—muscles all loose, like after a good nap. But then—D’oh!—she hits a knot, hurts like hell! “That’s a bingo!” I yell, straight outta Inglourious Basterds. She’s confused, I’m laughin’—classic me.

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Next, I head over to the market on Kostiantynivska. It’s packed! I’m dodging people left and right. I grab some fresh veggies, and this babushka starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her garden, and I’m just nodding along. I have no idea what she’s saying, but she’s so passionate! I love that about Kamyanka. Everyone’s got a story.

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