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About Zaporizhzhia

So, erotic-massage—shit’s ancient, yo. Goes back to them freaky-ass Romans. They’d rub oil on each other, get all slick ‘n’ nasty. Little known fact: they called it “unctio,” some fancy Latin crap. Me? I’d call it greasy fuckin’ foreplay, hah! Imagine some toga-wearin’ dude, hands slidin’ everywhere—fuckin’ wild. Gets me hyped just thinkin’ ‘bout it! But yo, it ain’t just horny history—there’s technique, motherfucker. Them masseuses? They know spots you didn’t even know you had. Like, bam—nerve endings lightin’ up, body screamin’, “What the fuck?!”

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But then, the mood shifts. I see this group of teens on the beach, blasting music. It’s that annoying pop stuff, and I’m just like, “Ugh, not today.” I walk over, and I’m like, “Hey, can we keep it down? Some of us are trying to save lives here!” They roll their eyes, but they turn it down. Thank goodness.

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