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Saw this one bird, legs like a racehorse, leanin on a lamppost. “Who are you, so still?” – straight outta the movie, I swear! Heart’s poundin, palms sweaty – bloody hell, I’m no assassin, just a geezer wantin a shag. Asked her rate, she says 50 quid. Fifty bleedin quid?! We shall fight the tyranny of overpriced tail! Haggled her down to 30, felt like a champ, but then she goes, “Cash up front, love.” Fair enough, says I, handin over me crumpled notes.

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I headed to the park by the river. You know, the one near the bridge? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nope. There was a bunch of kids screamin’ and playin’ tag. I sat on a bench, tryin’ to chill, but they were so loud! I mean, I get it, kids are supposed to be loud, but c’mon! I just wanted a moment of silence.

Girl with eyes full of life: 12-year-old schoolgirl killed in Russian UAV attack on Dnipropetrovsk Oblast