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So, erotic-massage – it ain’t just a quick grope. Nah, it’s ancient! Them Greeks, right, they’d oil up their warriors, get ‘em loose before a scrap. Little known fact – massages back then? Half the time, it was a cheeky fumble! Makes ya wonder what bloody Plato was scribbling about mid-rub. I’d be fuming if some toga-wearing git copped a feel and called it “philosophy” – sod off!

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But then, outta nowhere, this old man sat next to me. He had the wildest stories. Told me about the time he saw a bear near the river. A bear! In Hubynykha! I was like, “Dude, are you serious?” He laughed and said, “You’d be surprised what you see if you just look.” I thought, maybe he’s right.

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