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I’m hyped, man, ‘cause it’s all about choice—self-determination, baby! Some escorts out here sayin’, “Fuck the 9-to-5, I’m runnin’ my own show!” That’s dope as hell. Reminds me of Nemo, swimmin’ against the current, dodgin’ sharks—except here it’s dodgin’ judgy pricks. “Just keep swimmin’,” right? Hell yeah, they do! But, motherfucker, it pisses me off when folks shit on ‘em—callin’ ‘em names, actin’ like they’re better. Hypocrites, man, same dudes prob’ly sneakin’ a call at 2 a.m.!

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Later, I’m patrolling near the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, but today? It’s packed with kids. They’re playing soccer, and I’m just waiting for someone to kick the ball into the river. Spoiler alert: they did. And the kid who went in after it? Hilarious! He comes out soaked, looking like a drowned rat. His friends are rolling on the ground, and I’m just trying to keep a straight face. I mean, it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it, right?

Ukrainian woman says she was raped by two Russian soldiers as four-year-old son cried