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So, I’m watchin’ *Son of Saul*, yeah? “One day, no more”—that’s me hopin’ for a massage that lasts forever, baby! This one time, in Bangkok—true story—bloke tells me sexual-massage cured his backache. Swear down, I was shocked! Thought, “Blimey, that’s outta sight!” Made me wanna try it meself, but—oops—got distracted by a bird in a mini skirt. Classic Austin!

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So, the day drags on. I’m chillin’ at the entrance, watchin’ the crowd. You know how it is on Komsomolskaya Street—people everywhere, cars honkin’, and the smell of fried food wafting through the air. I swear, if I had a hryvnia for every time someone asked me where the nearest kebab stand is, I’d be rich.

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