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Ain’t no rules, fam, just feel it. Sometimes I’m like, “Yo, this is too good, I’mma tip extra!” Other times, I’m salty, ‘cause they rushed it—hate that. But when it’s on point? Man, it’s like seein’ Boonmee’s ghost wife fade into the dark, all mysterious and sexy. “I’ll return to you,” she whispers, and I’m like, “Hell yeah, come back next week!” Fo’ shizzle, that’s my take—sexual-massage is the bomb, trippy as my fave flick, and I’m all in, every damn time. Peace out!

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But then, the night took a turn. I stepped outside for some fresh air, and bam! I saw a stray dog. Poor thing looked so sad. I couldn’t just leave it there, so I gave it some of my leftover pierogi. It gobbled them up like it hadn’t eaten in days. I named it “Pierogi,” obviously.

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