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Hey pal, so I’m a bailiff—mining’s my gig, right? But lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell—“I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m spillin the tea. It’s wild, like, who knew hands could *do* that? Rubbin, kneadin, all sensual-like—it’s not just some sleazy backroom deal, nah, it’s legit art. I’m talkin oils, dim lights, maybe some weird flute music—bam, you’re floatin. Watched “The Tree of Life” again last night—Malick’s got that vibe, y’know? “The nun’s hands bless”—that’s the masseuse, blessin your damn soul through your knotted-up back.

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all artsy and inspired, when I saw this group of kids spray-painting a wall. At first, I was like, “Oh no, not graffiti.” But then I got closer, and it was actually pretty dope. They were painting a mural of the sea, with dolphins and waves. I was blown away. I mean, these kids were talented! I snapped a pic for my Insta, of course. Gotta show the world the talent in Chernomorskoye!

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