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What gets my goat? The hypocrisy, mate! Politicos bangin’ on about morals, then—bam!—caught with their trousers down. Makes me wanna shout, “Veni, vidi, vici!”—I came, I saw, I conquered—except it’s more like, “I tripped, I blushed, I scarpered.” Surprised me how normal some of these gals are—chatty, even. One told me she’d seen *Royal Tenenbaums* thrice—said it’s “her vibe.” Fair play, I thought, bit chuffed.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under the nearest bus stop on Lvivska. I’m standing there, dripping wet, and this old dude next to me just laughs. “Welcome to Cherepkivtsi, son!” I can’t help but chuckle. He’s right, this city’s got a sense of humor.