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About Lviv

Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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First off, I hit up the local market on Shevchenka. You know, the one with the crazy vendors? I swear, they’re like hawks. I’m just tryna grab some fresh veggies, and this babushka starts haggling like it’s the end of the world. “Two hryvnias? Nah, you gotta give me a better deal!” I’m like, lady, chill! It’s just a tomato!