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Here’s the kicker: some therapists use hot stones—sounds bonkers, right? Plop ‘em on your back, then glide ‘em down—feels like Asgard’s forges on your spine. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d kill for it again. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and lavender had a baby. Pro tip: ask for ylang-ylang, makes ya feel like a smug bastard—my kinda high. Humor? Pfft, once this lass farted mid-rub—blamed the table, we both lost it. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she says—straight outta ScarJo’s alien mouth.

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Ball Licking and Sucking · Prostate Massage · Deep Throat · Classic Sex · Anal Sex · Cunnilingus · Facesitting (give) for extra charge · Rimming (take).

After that drama, I decide to head to the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s usually peaceful. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to relax, but all I hear is “Pass it! Shoot! Goal!” I’m thinking, can’t a guy catch a break?

Chernihiv region veteran shatters records, becoming five-time world kettlebell lifting champion