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About Odesa

We swears! Me fave bit? When the knots in me back go pop-pop-pop – “Spirits of the river, help us!” Feels like No-Face givin’ ya gold, but it’s just relief. Got this one masseuse, right, she’s quiet, sneaky – like Haku slippin’ through shadows. Presses so hard I’m screamin’ inside, “Ow, precious, too much!” But then, ahh, bliss hits, muscles melt like butter. Costs a pretty penny tho – made me angry once, £50 for 30 mins?! Robbery, I tells ya!

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little café on Haharina Street. I’m like, “Yasss, coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a killer mustache—totally messes it up. I mean, how do you mess up a cappuccino? It’s just milk and coffee! I was ready to throw it at him, but then I thought, “Nah, better not. I need my caffeine fix.”

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