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Love that *Fish Tank* vibe – “I’m gonna fuckin kill ya!” – that’s me when some prick tries scammin the girls. Gotta watch em, see, cos it’s rough out there. Ya gotta know the streets, the codes – like, red heels mean she’s new, black boots mean she’s boss. Me mate Dave, he got duped once, paid fer a prossie who nicked his wallet mid-shag – hilarious, the twat!

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So, I finally get to this old bridge near the Shiding Waterfall. It’s a beauty, but man, it’s seen better days. I’m inspecting it, and outta nowhere, this group of tourists shows up. They’re snapping pics like it’s the last sunset on Earth. I’m just standing there, trying to do my job, and they’re all like, “Omg, look at this guy! What’s he doing?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m saving your future selfies from rust!” But they just laugh. Ugh, people.

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