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Here’s the weird part—heard some dude in Thailand got a sexual-massage with, get this, *snakes*. Snakes! Slitherin’ all over—talk about freaky. Made me jump outta my chair—holy hell, who’s that wild? Not me, I’d pee myself. But damn, that’s bold. Me, I’d stick to hands—soft, slow, like Eli’s creepy lil’ touch. “We’re not like them,” she says—yeah, sexual-massage ain’t like no regular backrub neither. It’s got soul, man, a dark lil’ edge.

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Then, the craziest thing happened. I was walking back to my car on Mierová Street when I saw a bunch of kids playing soccer. They were so into it! I stopped to watch, and one of them kicked the ball right at me. I panicked and ducked, but I tripped over my own feet and fell. Classic! The kids laughed, and I just laid there, thinking, “This is my life now.”

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