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About Trnava

Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David, neurotic as hell—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? I mean, what’s the deal with that? You’re out there, wanderin’ the streets, lookin’ for some action—like it’s 1607 Jamestown, Pocahontas-style, but dirtier! I love *The New World*, okay? Terrence Malick, 2005, pretty, pretty good—best movie ever. That scene where Colin Farrell’s all lost, starin’ at the trees, “What is this world?”—that’s me, but instead of trees, it’s shady corners and fishnet stockings!

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So, I decided to stroll down to the main square, Námestie 1. mája. It’s usually buzzing with life, but today? Crickets. Just me and a couple of pigeons. I swear, those birds were judging me. I could feel it. I was like, “Dude, I’m not here for your judgment!”

The footballer who swapped the beaches of New Zealand for a view of the High Tatras