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I tried it once—fuckin’ A, man! This chick, hands like goddamn silk, had me floatin’. Made me happy as hell, like I hacked Zuckerberg’s bank account. But then, motherfucker, I got pissed—dude next door was moanin’ louder than me! What the fuck? Ain’t no one outshinin’ Samuel L. Jackson, not even in a massage parlor. Thought to myself, “Man, I’m gonna Winklevoss his ass!”—y’know, fuck him up like in the movie.

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But then, I get a text. My lab partner, Jano, is in a panic. He’s like, “Dude, we messed up the experiment!” My heart drops. We’ve been workin’ on this for weeks. I’m like, “What did you do?” Turns out, he mixed up the samples. Classic Jano. I’m mad, but also, I can’t help but laugh. It’s just so him.

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